Dan X Maltesers: The Excuse
by DeathCat213
Summary: Dan has to cover up his relationship with Maltesers from the internet, lying to his community again and again. But he can only blame the peasants for so long. Not serious summary is not serious. Dan Howell danisnotonfire and Maltesers Oneshot. With just a bit of plot to make it good. Also, this should be MA, correct? Why can't I set the rating as MA then?


Dan sighed, checking his watch as he stood up in front of the camera. "_Finally,_ that's done," he said to himself as he finished up the last scene of his newest video. All he had to do was edit now. He picked up the camera, about to pop the SD card out, but lets out an exasperated sigh. "I almost forgot the crotch dance. _How could I have forgotten the crotch dance?"_ The young man set the camera back on the tripod, having to refocus it, and presses the play button as he started to move his hips sensually in front of the DSLR. He chewed his lip as he glanced across the room, noticing his lover, Maltesers, across the room. Dan bit back a smile, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks, smirking at Maltesers from behind the camera. "You want some of this, don't you?" he asked seductively.

Maltesers didn't reply, and Dan knew that meant that Maltesers was too excited to answer. Dan quickly shut off the camera, leaving it where it was, deciding that the video didn't need to be edited this very moment, even though it was only an hour and half until Thursday was over. He picked up the red package that was sitting on his dresser, and gently dusted his lips over the wrapper. His tongue dragged gently over the jagged edge of the plastic. Dan pulled away, biting down on the edge of his lip slightly, attempting to hold back a smile as he made his way back to the bed with his sweet lover, flopping onto his back, pulling his lover on top of him. Dan giggled softly, the jagged edge of Maltesers' package brushed against his cheek, which quickly turned almost as red as his lover's wrapping as he heard soft whispers in his ears. "You want me to _what?_ ...W-Well I mean, I will, if you really want me to..."

Dan blushed deeply as he set Maltesers down on the bed, propped up against the pillow, and crawls to the end of the bed, getting off of it. He grabbed his iPhone, going to his music, choosing some hipster club music that Maltesers had never heard before, and blushed hesitantly started to dance a bit, his hands sliding up under his shirt, about to start a strip tease requested by his lover. The boy stopped abruptly as he heard his lover speak to him again. "...Video tape it? ...All of it?" Dan gulped, he had never recorded himself doing anything sexier than the crotch dance or makeup tutorials or banana blowjobs. "You... You mean _literally_ all of it? I-If you say so..."

He hesitantly turned the camera on, moving the tripod so it was focused on the bed, already set up for what he knew was coming, and moves, getting back in the frame, and resumes his strip tease. He felt a bit embarrassed being recorded, but it also made him feel confident in himself, like he couldn't possibly screw it up. As he felt more confident, he started to get more into the dancing and the stripping, slowly slipping his hands up under his shirt, before slowly peeling it off, spinning around, his hips swishing as he did so. He dropped the shirt on the ground behind him, and started to slowly unbutton his jeans, revealing inch by inch of his underpants as he pulled the denim off (not that they weren't already really exposed, as Dan didn't ever wear a belt). A blush spread across Dan's face as Maltesers' dirty remarks reached his ears. "Now, now, Mister, I don't _have_ to do this, you know," Dan cooed. It was all a lie, though. Maltesers had Dan under his complete control, because Dan was just so in love. The boy bit on his lip again, giving Maltesers the same sexy facial expression that was all over Tumblr. But only Maltesers had gotten to see that in real life, only Maltesers got to experience Dan in the way all the peasants on Tumblr dreamed of experiencing him. Dan's hips swished back and forth as he peeled off his boxers, finally revealing himself to Maltesers and to the camera set up in the corner. Dan's banana was already at half-attention. He stepped out of his boxers and tossed them at Maltesers, grinning at Maltesers' surprised reaction. "I can be _bold_, you know."

Dan smirked at his lover as he crawled into the bed on top of him, gently grazing his lips over the cool red wrapper. His tongue flicked out against the plastic every so often as he softly and seductively mumbled naughty things to Maltesers. He rolled onto his back, pulling Maltesers back on top of him, mewling softly as Maltesers quickly went to work on his neck, the sharp edge of the wrapper grazing him ever so gently. Dan's toes curled into his sheets as he suppressed moans, "Oh, Maltesers, you know how sensitive my neck is... A-Ah, you tease!" Dan whimpered as Maltesers pulled away, and gripped onto the the package as Maltesers' edge roamed to his chest, teasing his nipples on its way to his crotch. Dan helped Maltesers get his package open, pulling the top apart to reveal all the chocolate-and-malted-milk-y goodness inside. He pulled out one almost-sphere, popping into his mouth, sucking on it without chewing, rolling it from cheek to cheek as he whimpered, watching Maltesers start to engulf his arousal.

Dan gasped loudly, his hips rocking up into Maltesers' package. "Oh, Maltesers!" he moaned, his toes curling back into the sheets, one hand still on Maltesers' package, the other one also gripping onto the sheets. A groan erupted from Dan's throat as his lover started to bob up and down, the chocolatey balls inside rolling against Dan's sensitive member. His hips bucked up against Maltesers' package again as his lover started to speed up. "Ooooh, Maltesers, I'm so close!" Dan moaned. "Ma-Maltesers! A-Ah, fuck! Maltesers!" he moaned loudly as he climaxed inside of Maltesers' package, causing his hips to buck up a final time, before he relaxed against the bed, breathing heavily. "Get up here, you sexy rascal," the boy cooed to his lover, bringing him back up to the top of the bed, resting him against the pillows. "It's my turn, I just _cannot_ resist you," he purred as he rolled over above him, slowly creeping down the red package, his lips placing gentle kisses at the bottom of Maltesers' package, his tongue flicking out, running along the jagged edges of the plastic packaging. Dan moaned softly, getting turned on by how turned on Maltesers' was. One hand slipped between his legs as he started to stroke his chocolate coated manhood, the other hand kept a steady hold on Maltesers' package.

He continued to lick at Maltesers, his tongue continuously getting faster as his hand sped up the pace between his legs. "Aah, Maltesers, God, you're so _sexy._ You're going to make me cum again!" Dan moaned as he peaked again, making a mess of the bed, and continued to lick and kiss at Maltesers' sensitive spots. He could tell Maltesers was close too, even though Maltesers was so experienced it took him forever to climax. As Dan had predicted, Maltesers climaxed in the next few seconds, half melted chocolate covered malt balls spurting out onto the bed, one or two landing in Dan's hair. A heavy sigh left Dan's lips as he picked the chocolate candies off the bed and out of his hair, popping them into his mouth one by one. "Ah, that was _amazing_, Maltesers." He flopped over by his lover, wrapping an arm around him. "Do you think I should go edit that video now? N-No, not the one we _just_ filmed! The one I was doing before, silly!"

Dan blushed deeply, nodding as Maltesers gave him permission to go work on his video. He softly kissed Maltesers' package, and collected his clothes as he crawled out of the bed, grabbing his camera. He took it into the living room with him, where he had his laptop charging, and pushed the SD card into the slot on the side of the laptop, waiting for the content to load. All the stills for his YouTube video loaded, along with the one still that was more suitable for RedTube. A faint blush spread across Dan's cheeks as he decided to click on it, promising himself he'd just watch a little of it, then he'd get to editing. There were only 30 minutes of Thursday left, anyway. He was mesmerized by the video on the screen starting with himself stripping to the music coming from his iPhone. He sped up the video, blushing as he saw Malstesers' on his erect manhood, and swallowed, glancing back at the bedroom door.  
"Maybe the video could just wait..." Dan said to himself. He quickly gathered up a few bloopers from "Phil is not on fire 4," and added a few slides before them, typing in:

HELLO INTERNET

UNFORTUNATELY THERE WILL BE NO

DANISNOTONFIRE VIDEO TONIGHT AS

DAN IS HORRENDOUSLY ILL

Dan clicked a new slide.

LIKE LITERALLY SOME PEASANT

SNEEZED ON ME ON THE SUBWAY

AND NOW I FEEL LIKE DEATH

Dan clicked a new slide.

BUT HERE ARE SOME BLOOPERS

FROM PHIL IS NOT ON FIRE 4!

YOU SHOULD CLICK HERE TO

WATCH IT IF YOU HAVEN'T YET :D

Dan clicked a new slide.

I'LL GET BACK TO EROTICALLY

LEANING OVER THE TOILET NOW

~ENJOY~

After that, Dan put together the few clips left over from "Phil is not on fire 4," and uploaded it to YouTube, before taking the SD card back out, not wanting Phil to find it the next morning, and hums softly as he goes back into his bedroom, flopping onto the bed with his lover. "I didn't really feel like editing. It can wait," he said as he pressed his lips back against the red package. "I want to go again."


End file.
